A successful man is one who makes more money than
his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a
one-dollar item he wants.
A woman is one who will pay one dollar for a
two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
To be happy with a man you must understand him
a lot and love him alittle.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change and she does. A woman worries about
the future until she gets a husband, while
a man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand
a woman; before marriage - and after marriage.
Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep
one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is
having her own way, and the other is to let her
have it.
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes -
no use two people remembering the same thing.
The Battle: A woman has the last word in any
argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept
over at a girlfriend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of
them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over
at a buddy's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over,
and two claimed that he was still there.
Men & Women
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
WORDS WOMEN USE:
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have
just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around
the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes.
Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men.
A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she
is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make
to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.
WHATEVER
It's a woman's way of saying *!#@ YOU!
