* The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
* Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier
to live with.
* Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check
3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
* Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
* A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
* It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer
in rats.
* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
* If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget
where you live.
* The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.
* Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
* Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.
It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd
be paranoid, too.
* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make
you feel happy to be on your way.
* Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.
* Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the
fan will not be evenly distributed.
